This weary soul

This weary soul……

I heard a story about a wife who wanted a baby so bad, but for years was unable to get pregnant. Her husband would ask if he was enough for her, and of course a child, a family was her greatest desire. Of course she loved her husband, but she desperately wanted a baby. She wanted a baby so bad that she ended up in depression. Her depression was so chronic that a priest asked her one day if she was drunk. Her response was that not of a drunk person, but of a depressed, weary soul who desired so badly to have a family. Her name was Hannah.

Another story I read about was a man named Elijah. A wicked queen was after his life. She hated him so much that she sent her military to search for him and kill him. He fled to the wilderness where he begged God to take his life, laid down in the hot desert sun to die. He was weary, depressed and just wanted it all to end. What I love about this story is that an angel provided water for him and said, "listen buddy, you better eat and drink because what you’re about to face is a VERY LONG JOURNEY and you’ll need your strength." That simple act of just getting up and facing the long journey seems impossible BUT is the answer to keep fighting for your very weary soul.

Life can be weary. Our souls can enter a state of deep void EVEN with the hope of heaven. AND NO ONE CAN DIG YOU OUT. The desert ahead seems too treacherous that staying put in hot sun to die seems better than to try to make it out alive. No one wants to be thirsty, tired and hot. But that is exactly what may need to happen in order to have a chance of survival.

take this fainted heart

take these ocean tears

wash me in your love

even when my strength is gone
even when i have no song
even when it’s hard to find the words
even when it hurts like hell
even when the morning comes
even when the fight seems lost
even when my time on earth is done
even when it makes no sense to sing

I will still LOOK UP WHERE I DRAW MY STRENGTH.

I went grocery shopping the other day where I ran into a woman who works at Starbucks. She is middle-aged, No husband, no kids. She looked tired. and sad. BUT I started to get a little panicky and started thinking, “Oh my gosh! That is going to be me. My boys will leave, I’ll be all alone!!!! I’m going to have cats, I hate cats, I’m going to start getting hair on my chin, and I won’t even pluck them because I’m all alone anyway! I got this anxious feeling of loneliness and started praying that God would please not let me be alone the rest of my life OR that the world would just end! hahaha

The fear of of quiet loneliness left me in a state of sadness and feeling sorry for myself. WHY ME? WHY DID MY HUSBAND HAVE TO DIE! Why why why why why?!!!!! THEN, I chose not to think about the what ifs. I chose not think about what I didn't have but what I do have and what I did have. I had a beautiful wonderful amazing husband who adored and love the boys and I. I have my monkeys and I have my faith. I have my health and I have my family. And one day that void that depressed anxious feeling will be vanished in a second! And I won’t even care about anything not even if I get chin hair! lol

Listen people. One day at a time. Laugh and live and ENJOY THE LIFE YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN!!!!! Not everyone has the same life and path. Some may never experience pain and that’s ok some may experience great pain and that's ok too. We all have this long desert to cross so gear up and make the very best of it.

Still I will praise you God.