Have you ever had this crazy desperate longing for the Lord to just speak to your heart? Where you can hear HIM so clearly that you can walk through this life with no doubts, confidently bringing him glory, and feeling a satisfaction that nothing else can compete with? This has been my desire these past few weeks. Longing to hear his voice and know what HE has called me to daily brings HIM glory and satisfies my heart and my soul. But I find myself dry, and exactly that… desperate… unsatisfied and longing to sit at HIS feet and hear HIS voice speak.
I was lead this morning to read the story of Ezekiel in the valley of the dry bones. There they were laying dead, just bones in a valley of dust… and Ezekiel walked back and forth looking at them and the Lord said, “can these bones live?” The story goes that the Lord continued to tell Ezekiel what to say to the dry bones and piece by piece the bones began to come together. Now they were all put together, and they stood there like an army, but were still dead. Then God told Ezekiel to breathe the breath of God to the bones so that they could LIVE! And with the very breath of God the dead dry bones became a live army.
Since Brent has gone home with the Lord it has been a true struggle of mine to STAY in a satisfied place with Jesus. There have been moments when I’m so unsatisfied, dry and desperate. I turn to things, or go somewhere in hopes that the longing inside my soul would be replaced by some “thing”. I don’t do it on purpose. Actually I don’t even realize I’m doing it until the Lord shows me. Although it has been almost three years I still have a hard time letting go of my future with Brent. It’s easy for people to say what they want, but when you daily live without that loved one it’s not as easy to do. Driving becomes lonely without holding his hand. Going to bed without saying goodnight. Going places alone and watching the boys grow up alone isn’t “easy”. There are high highs and low lows. Trying not to remember the WAY that Brent died isn’t like turning off the TV. It’s a dreadful constant reminder that I have to lay at the foot of the cross daily.
But just yesterday I received a grief letter encouraging those that are grieving. This is what it said: “January has turned another year and gives us a new opportunity to look ahead to the future with HOPE! The future can often look dark, dismal and discouraging. YET we have the OPPORTUNITY to make it hopeful, bright, and encouraging by LEANING into the grief process. What I mean by this is that we have to go through our grief so God can reveal to us what He has in store for our future. God is light and He can and will light our path so we can see the hope of our future. Sometimes our tears cloud our view, but we must press forward and “lean”. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.”
Sometimes, “just living” isn’t enough. Getting up, going to work and then going to bed just to get through the day isn’t enough FOR ME! I want and long for God’s breath every single day and I KNOW that it is the only thing that will encourage and satisfy me personally EVEN though at times it doesn’t show. I desire a future and a hope to walk confidently in. And I yearn for the body of Christ to come alongside and encourage, not give opinions.
If you feel dry and alone, let God’s breath be breathed into your very soul today and recognize HIS desire to bless you. His arms are opened wide, so “lean” into Him. I continue to learn this lesson. To get back up, out of the valley, and let Him give me an opportunity to see HIS blessings and to see the sun shining through them.