A few months before Brent (my husband) entered the presence of Jesus I began to notice random bright green leaves in places that you would least expect them.

For one, a wind chime I found at world market….I’ve never even bought a wind chime, but Brent liked them and the green leaf one caught my eye…..thinking it represented life, so I bought it. As I stared at it I couldn’t help but think about the verse of the Tree planted by the river….rooted and grounded, therefore producing leaves. There are many, many stories, of someone writing verses on leaves…?? Like, who thinks of that hahahaha.

Then Brent and I had a lemon tree that we planted 2 weeks after he got diagnosed . The moment it was planted it flourished with beautiful bright green leaves and LEMONS!!! Tons of lemons.

Two weeks after Jesus took Brent into His hands the tree died. To this day not one green leaf has produced, not one lemon. NO matter how well I take care of it. The tree did it’s job. Brent was the only one to eat any of those lemons during his cancer and when the last one was taken, it bore no more. My lemon tree to this day is dead. No matter what I do, when it flourished SOOOO many lemons the day it was planted.

Today in Science class (we've been studying plants) we were specifically studying leaves. About how the leaves actually feed the plant in order for it to produce fruit. In an apple tree you need 30 leaves to produce just one round apple!!! Amazing right? Leaves have the exact right amount of nourishment it needs for the proper time it needs it for.

(There is a point I promise)

Tonight, I decided to go visit my husbands grave. I desperately miss him and sometimes try to figure out a way to bring him back. ( no I’m not losing my mind now…..don’t worry…. I lost it already the day my husband found out he had one year to live )

Anyways, I get to his gravestone, sit down, and just began to weep. I was wiping off his gravestone so it looked shiny, ( if you knew Brent and his perfectionist side you would understand he would want it nice and clean hahaha) Interesting enough there were no trees around just grass…..grass all around BUT there is was one Green Leaf. Sitting right on top of his gravestone.

I’m not superstitious or trying to be over-spiritual BUT I do feel and know that seeing that green leaf somehow brought to my mind and heart the word LIFE!!! A leaf , without chlorophyll looses it’s color, so I know that leaf was specifically there for the time I was there… maybe just for me? Who knows. BUT LIFE!!! Every time I’m there I truly trip out and get sick to my stomach to think that his body is under that ground. Hmmmmmmmmmm This is where the leaf comes in.. As I stared at it… the only leaf around (truly it really honestly was) The Spirit of the Lord reminded me of the word LIFE…………..LIVING…………FRUITFUL.

In a sense I was comforted to know that BRENT is the one living. We, here on this earth begin to lose our color. There are seasons, and in the different seasons leaves turn different colors then eventually die. In Heaven, Brents eternal home, our one day eternal home, we will NEVER EVER LOSE OUR COLOR.

This is not life guys. Our heavenly perspective should be life here on this earth… feeding the fruit by our leaves (think spiritually with me for a moment lol I’m still in 2nd grade-science-thinking from today). Our walks with the father should be and need to be like that in the Psalm. It says when we are planted by the living water we will be rooted planted and bearing much!!!!!! Brent’s leaf was green on this earth until it was time for his leaf to end. As leaves fall on the ground, and rain comes the leaf (not seed) actually begins the whole process over. Producing more trees, leaves and fruit. It benefits everything and everyone around us. I feel like that should be us, continuing in this life being vibrant and doing what God has called our Job to do.

All this might not make ANY sense to you and that’ fine because it totally makes sense to me and was like this awesome light bulb that went off.

As much as I miss the love of my life, I know that it was his time to fall to the ground….but not to be unfruitful but to continue to bear fruit so that others (us) can benefit and learn and grow. We can’t stop when it's our time to leave this earth, BUT we can be a fruitful bunch everywhere we go.

Some people may feel as though I a taking too long and need to move forward in regards to grieving Brent. BUT I tell you now for the rest of my life I will always grieve and love Brent. And I am moving forward in taking steps everyday to get up, and raise my babies in Jesus name. And, sometimes I wash my hair ;-) jk

I pray this blog makes sense. I’m like a second grader so excited to see how intricate and perfect God is.