Unable to move...

Fear it's time to go...

When I was a little girl, I remember standing by a window sill during a thunderstorm. Every summer we would always have them, crazy lighting and thunder that would light up the skies and bring loud thunder noises through the air. Now, as an adult, I love them! I think they are beautiful and even sometimes stand outside just to watch it all and am in awe of God’s creations. As a little girl I didn’t think they were so great though. As a matter of fact, I was so scared that fear would overtake me completely, DEBILITATING me to move, or talk or even hear reason. I would stand there, for literally ever, frozen starring outside frightened and begging God to take it away. The relief I had when it was over and that nothing bad happened (don’t ask me what I thought would happen hahaha because I really don’t even know) would make me feel like I could live again. Go play, and whatever else it was that I did as a little girl.

I have always been an anxious fearful person. ALL of my fears, looking back have been completely and utterly unreasonable and ridiculous to the point where I can now look back at MOST AND ALMOST ALL my fears and laugh because I worried for literally no reason. Time wasted. I wasted so much time worrying about something that would never even happen. The chances of a lightning hitting me was zero percent.

I held Brent, my husband, in my arms…. I laid down next to him…. as his breathing got slower and slower and slower. His lifeless body against mine, as I spoke into his ears, “ it’s going to be ok. I love you so much.” A few moments later, he took his last breath… I waited a second for him to breath again. I waited for that miracle, but that wasn’t in Gods plans. He was taken from me, my family, his family. He was now forever in eternity. One of life's greatest fears, DEATH, was looking at me in the eye, and there was NOTHING I could do about it. The months of nutrition and vitamins and chemotherapy and radiation. The sleepless nights of prayer and worry and GOD STILL CHOSE TO TAKE BRENT TO HEAVEN. There was nothing anyone could have done to prevent the brain tumor or to take it away.

For a while, because of my hurt, I feared nothing. As a matter of fact it was morbid. I almost wanted something bad to happen. ( I know super weird uh?) I wasn’t’ afraid to sleep by myself, when I could NEVER sleep without Brent until he got home, I wasn’t afraid to go out anywhere at anytime. Then…..all of a sudden it hit me again, with revenge and in the worse way that it could possibly hit me.

Fear. Fear has taken my eyes off of the ONE who is in control of EVERYTHING no matter how much I worry no matter how much I “take control” of my life or the lives around me, I AM NOT IN CONTROL. I have forgotten what it is to trust God. I have forgotten that HE has the victory. I have forgotten that HE holds the stars in their place and HE raises the sun every single morning. He doesn’t forget and HE does it all so perfectly and so well. And you know what? More people know what I am talking about than not.

I know a girl, who every time she talks, her statements are so confident. She’s “not” afraid of her kids getting hurt, yet, worries about them more than most people I know and doesn’t allow them to do much. It’s almost like she's either in denial or she really doesn’t see how fearful she really is and covers it up with “confidence.” To a certain degree we all have a little fear. Some a lot. Some to the point where you’re stuck. You can’t do anything. You can’t go to the movie theater because you’re afraid someone will come in and shoot it up. You don’t drive on the freeway because of the possibilities of an accident. You don’t let your kids have an ounce of sugar for God only knows why hahahahaha (jk I’m not making fun of you, I watch my kids sugar intake too  ) SO MANY fears. The fear of what will people think of me? The fear of getting on a plane? Or falling in love again. All the things going on in the world are definitely unsettling and can cause an unwanted fear.

I had a conversation with my amazing and wise sister-in-law. She shared with me a picture of a vine with tons of leaves and more vines and leaves. Looking at it seems so very overwhelming because of all the vines. But it all stems from ONE root. And if we can just find the root and pluck it out then the vines and leaves will die. As of lately, I have been so crippled. In every area of my life, that I have gotten to the point where I’m exhausted and don’t want to carry such burdens that God hasn’t called me to carry anyway. People may get frustrated with you, but it’s a real thing that you deal with everyday.

BAD THINGS HAPPEN EVEN WHEN YOU TRUST GOD. Trusting God and handing him your fear, isn’t going to make your life easier. Doesn’t mean someone you know won’t get cancer, or that there might be a bad accident. It means that you are too tired of living in a control bottle of fear and that you are ready to be freed from the victory that is ALREADY there. The Bible says that “ The battle is in the mind” yet the Bible also says, “ The battle belongs to the Lord.” To be free doesn’t mean you don’t use wisdom, It means that you will release your family, your kids, your future to the ONE who holds it all together anyway.

Then, you will begin to enjoy those lighting storms. You will enjoy watching your kids eat a cupcake at a birthday party because they are having a blast with chocolate frosting on their face. The freedom and VICORY bring joy. “We shout for joy over your victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God.” “Perfect love cast out all fear.” His love towards us is so perfect. Jeremiah 29:11 says that He has good plans for us. Not to harm us. If we believe that God is good, then we need to trust that He has only good things for us.

For a while, because of my insecurities I was afraid of people's comments about me homeschooling my boys. I can’t tell you the freedom I live in today in walking confidently in what God has called me to in homeschooling my kids and now, as challenging as it is, I love it and am actually enjoying it! Why am I enjoying it now? Because I’m not afraid anymore of what people may think or not think. Most people don’t even know anything anyways because they don’t bother to ask.

I have a long way to go. Some of you may have a long way to go BUT I know that there can and will be Victory. I read a girl say it this way, “ Faith over fear.” Love it.

“So, do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

The Silent Killer of not letting go...

Every morning, I make it my aim to wake up before my boys do so that I can spend some time with Jesus or just drink my coffee and pray in the quiet before the chaos of the day. In one morning devotion I read "Vineyard In A Desert". “ I AM NOW GOING TO ALLURE HER; I WILL LEAD HER INTO THE DESERT….THERE I WILL GIVE HER BACK HER VINEYARDS.” –HOSEA 2:14

“The desert is certainly a strange place to find vineyards……..A place that symbolizes loneliness and through which we can seldom find our way out? God knows our need for a desert experience. He knows exactly where and how to produce enduring qualities in us.”

A person, like Hosea, who goes after her lovers, whatever they may be….it sounds strange but for me it has been my emotions of grief and bitterness etc. and holding on to dear life for Brent. It’s sin. Whatever your sin may be. God says, once we feel totally hopeless and abandoned, “ I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.”

WE NEVER KNOW WHERE THE STREAMS ARE HIDDEN. We see a large stone and have no idea that it covers the source of a spring. God leads us into hard and difficult places and it is there we realize where eternal streams abide. (streams in the desert)

I have been extremely stubborn of LETTING GO of MY plans so that God can show me his beautiful vineyards for the boys and I. We always pray, “ God open this one door and close another.” Yet, if it’s not according to what we want, what I want, then we keep pursing what we think is best for us or where we feel most comfortable when there, right in front of us is this beautiful vineyard, garden waiting to be lived in and enjoyed.

We all have a hard time of letting go of something. We run after our “lovers” or shall I say sin.

For me I want to prove to the world my loyalty to Brent. That I loved him and still do. I want to prove to people I can go to school, get my degree and take care of myself and provide for my kids. It’s living in the fear of man instead of living in the vineyards HE is alluring me into. LETTING GO AND GIVING GOD ALL OF MY PLANS AND DESIRES ISN’T ROCKET SCIENCE, yet seems to be the HARDEST thing to do. Why?

Because sometimes I don’t like God's plans. Sometimes I sit and tell Him, “I don’t like what you’re doing and how you’re doing it.” But I guess that’s when FAITH IS REQUIRED… That's when you let go, let God and trust that HE does love us and desires to truly bless us even when we don’t understand HIS ways.

2 Chronicles 20:12 says, “ We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” Removing our eyes off of Jesus and placing them on our situation truly does KILL US! It is a silent killer…. A consumer. Where your thoughts and life is surrounded by fear, circumstances, sin, etc…… we lose sight.

The other day I had to get a new prescription for seeing. I wear my glasses at night normally BUT the doctor told me I needed to wear them during the day also, for watching tv driving sitting in church etc. Honestly I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I NEEDED THEM UNTIL I STARTED WEARING THEM!! It’s like a miracle hahaha.

That’s our life, we don’t know we need something until God gives it to us and then we realize, whether it hurts or is a blessing, we need it. THIS IS ALL SAID IF YOU TRUST GOD. If not there is no point in reading this blog.

He is always changing things up, making us uncomfortable, but always alluring us back to Him. It’s life…….

Today I challenge you to LET GO. Don’t silently die because you keep running away from God.

You may not even realize it. It’s kinda like when you have something in your teeth hahahaha, don’t you want someone to tell you or better yet take it out for you (horrible analogy I know!!) But God wants to do the same for us before we silently die.

3 years… The Dusty Shelf and the Silver Lining Through the Clouds

For those of you reading this blog, you may be saying to yourself, “It’s already been 3 years that Brent has gone to heaven…that has gone by fast..”

That's because your lives have carried on, although you think about Brent, you have all gone back to your so called “normal” life. BUT for myself and for the boys, it has been a minute by minute walk, through months and now years. It has NOT gone by fast, as a matter of fact I cringe inside knowing it’s ONLY been 3 years….I literally have to NOT think about the time because it gives me anxiety and an anxious heart.

Having been married at the age of 19 (together since18) married 9 years, I had this entire life! And it only seemed to be getting better and better.

Shattered, TRULY and completely shattered, desires and dreams have been put on a shelf, where it seems unreachable at times, dusty and even broken. I don’t even look up at the shelf because I don’t like what I see. I hate everything that is on that shelf because I know I will never touch it or use it, uncertain if the dust can be wiped off or even the broken glass put back together. And even if I could put it back together the broken pieces are visible. It has been a crazy, rough storm. Not only dealing with the loss, having to deal with people and their opinions, has been very difficult for me, being a single mom, worried about protection and finances and wondering where I/we fit in, our new normal has been a challenge. Many, many tears have been shed and wiped. Trying to help my oldest son through his delayed grief has been a unthinkable heartache as a mother. On top of your daily life chores and responsibilities.

YET……………….

I would be doing you all a disservice if I wasn’t truthful about all the good that God has done for our family. The eye of the storm HAS passed and as the clouds have begun to disappear, I can see a glimpse of sun shining through. I’m not going to lie, sometimes I want to put my sunglasses on and not look at that sunshine peeking through because I’m comfortable in my misery, or I’m afraid if I allow people to see me happy, people will think I’ve forgotten about Brent.

But I force myself and as I choose to MOVE FORWARD NOT MOVE ON, God, not happiness not man, but God is showing me that HE has, good things in store for my boys and I. He wants to bring beauty from our ashes BUT I have to let Him. I remember sitting in my grief class and two thoughts came to mind, the first was, wow, some people have it worse, It made me THAKFUL to have had Brent as my husband and almost a sense of relief came to me knowing I WILL see him again.

The second thought was seeing some people who were never able to get past the eye of the storm and everyday is that day, I prayed, “GOD PLEASE DON’T LET ME BE THAT PERSON THAT STAYS IN THE SAME PLACE OF SADNESS AND DEPRESSION.” It sounds like a no brainer right? But when you’re grieving so hard it’s not as easy to just get up and move forward, as a matter of fact it’s EXTREMLY difficult. You almost can’t help but just automatically be sad the moment you wake up.

It's not like I want to be sad constantly, truly I don’t, but it’s also hard when you can’t help the deep down void. And I now have a compassion on those instead of a judgmental heart and mind. I get it ! Truly I understand the person that just can’t move forward because every day I struggle with that, A LOT! Really wanting to BUT finding that the pain is sooo deep.

How do you ever move forward? Well, it’s by Gods grace, and HE has lavished it on me. And it’s by allowing yourself to be reminded that you will always love that person and for me, Brent will always be a part of MY life and of course the lives of my babies. So I humbly open my arms to the beauty that my heavenly Father has for us. Whatever that is. To get married again or not, to go to school and get a degree OR NOT, to move, etc. I can say with a pure heart, I want a life full of God's blessings. I always have such a hard time wondering what people will think about me BUT in the words of my wonderful father-in-law, “who cares what people think, and those that love you will want God's will for you and those that have something negative to say, well you don’t need them anyway!! Hahaha”

The truth is………… Brent is never coming home, he is in glory and the boys and I are still here. We will naturally never forget our lives with him, but we have to keep pressing on. The people around us NEED to be patient…and for the most part everyone has.

I never even thought I could be where I am NOW emotionally and mentally because I’ve been a hot messy mess. We could not have done this without either side of our families. There have been so many sacrifices for us and I’m sure I don’t even know all of them. My AMAZING mother-in-law, in her deep sadness, has always been there for me. No matter my emotions, or confusion she has been consistent in loving on me and her grandbabies. And for the record Brent's family IS my family and they are all truly amazing, wonderful people and I couldn’t thank God enough to have a family away from my own. My mom who has left work time and time again to take multiple flights just to be here and cook clean and give me a break has been unquestionably made me so forever grateful. Dad, father in law, brothers sisters etc…….

Some days I take 15 steps back and one step forward. The next I can take 15 steps forward and one step back. We, our family, have been FOREVER changed. I don’t like to speak on behalf of Brent’s family but I will say this, they have grieved hard, but grace is all over them and our love and bond, through rocky emotions at times (mainly on my part) have grown. The way I view people or life is most definitely not the way I used to that’s for sure. I think I blog mostly because I want people to understand certain things, for the uncompassionate to be passionate, for the hurting, to allow the pain to be put to rest in it’s perfect season and time.

“For I consider that the present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us.” –Romans 8:18

Heaven is waiting for us!! That is my hope and it should be yours too.

Jaiden and Micah are just too wonderful to talk about. They have so much joy, but they also have their emotions too. Jaiden especially. God has great plans for them.

I can truly say that I want to honor Brent's life BY LIVING. I know he would want that, and he actually told me that very concept.

The other day, for the first time, I became envious, envious of the family unit. Watching FAMILIES go home together, dads coach their sons soccer teams, families having more kids, or going on family vacations etc. Up unitl this point I have NOT been envious, and it started to rise up in my heart. I hated the feeling = but I also couldn’t help wish Brent was here so that my little family could have that also. To have the same opportunities that the “normal” American family has. I am committing those thoughts to the Lord and when they arise in my heart and mind I am reminded of the very words Brent spoke to me, “IF this is how God chooses to use my life, then to HIM BE THE GLORY.” So the boys and I are a little family and I can only pray God uses us to bring Him glory and that JOY surrounding us would be a fragrance of what Jesus can do with 3 broken hearts. Turn suffering into laughter and Joy and Peace. Paul, in the Bible, talks about LEARNING to be content, and so as the days go by I am training myself to be thankful and learning to be content with things I have.

I struggle a lot with the visions of the way Brent died and how our bodies are a shell and how the soul leaves this earth onto another. I get nightmares, panic attacks, I am overcome with fear in every area of life. SIMPLE TASKS ARE SO SO OVERWHELMING AND DIFFICULT TO ACCOMPLISH only because my brain is so consumed with all that has happened these past few years. BUT I am getting better and I know will continue to. God has good things in store for us, to give us a future and a hope, plans of good and not of evil (Jeremiah. 29:11) so I cling to that hope and press forward. Words cannot express life without Brent. But I am thankful I got to be his wife. I now look forward, even through the hard days, to what God has for us in the next 3 years.

These Dry Bones...

Have you ever had this crazy desperate longing for the Lord to just speak to your heart? Where you can hear HIM so clearly that you can walk through this life with no doubts, confidently bringing him glory, and feeling a satisfaction that nothing else can compete with? This has been my desire these past few weeks. Longing to hear his voice and know what HE has called me to daily brings HIM glory and satisfies my heart and my soul. But I find myself dry, and exactly that… desperate… unsatisfied and longing to sit at HIS feet and hear HIS voice speak.

I was lead this morning to read the story of Ezekiel in the valley of the dry bones. There they were laying dead, just bones in a valley of dust… and Ezekiel walked back and forth looking at them and the Lord said, “can these bones live?” The story goes that the Lord continued to tell Ezekiel what to say to the dry bones and piece by piece the bones began to come together. Now they were all put together, and they stood there like an army, but were still dead. Then God told Ezekiel to breathe the breath of God to the bones so that they could LIVE! And with the very breath of God the dead dry bones became a live army.

Since Brent has gone home with the Lord it has been a true struggle of mine to STAY in a satisfied place with Jesus. There have been moments when I’m so unsatisfied, dry and desperate. I turn to things, or go somewhere in hopes that the longing inside my soul would be replaced by some “thing”. I don’t do it on purpose. Actually I don’t even realize I’m doing it until the Lord shows me. Although it has been almost three years I still have a hard time letting go of my future with Brent. It’s easy for people to say what they want, but when you daily live without that loved one it’s not as easy to do. Driving becomes lonely without holding his hand. Going to bed without saying goodnight. Going places alone and watching the boys grow up alone isn’t “easy”. There are high highs and low lows. Trying not to remember the WAY that Brent died isn’t like turning off the TV. It’s a dreadful constant reminder that I have to lay at the foot of the cross daily.

But just yesterday I received a grief letter encouraging those that are grieving. This is what it said: “January has turned another year and gives us a new opportunity to look ahead to the future with HOPE! The future can often look dark, dismal and discouraging. YET we have the OPPORTUNITY to make it hopeful, bright, and encouraging by LEANING into the grief process. What I mean by this is that we have to go through our grief so God can reveal to us what He has in store for our future. God is light and He can and will light our path so we can see the hope of our future. Sometimes our tears cloud our view, but we must press forward and “lean”. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.”

Sometimes, “just living” isn’t enough. Getting up, going to work and then going to bed just to get through the day isn’t enough FOR ME! I want and long for God’s breath every single day and I KNOW that it is the only thing that will encourage and satisfy me personally EVEN though at times it doesn’t show. I desire a future and a hope to walk confidently in. And I yearn for the body of Christ to come alongside and encourage, not give opinions.

If you feel dry and alone, let God’s breath be breathed into your very soul today and recognize HIS desire to bless you. His arms are opened wide, so “lean” into Him. I continue to learn this lesson. To get back up, out of the valley, and let Him give me an opportunity to see HIS blessings and to see the sun shining through them.

Remarriage and Single Parenting

My thoughts on Widows remarrying, Single parenting AND the 2 critics.

For the past few months there has been SO much going on in my brain that I have literally been wanting to write it all down, BUT was so unsure how to address these thoughts without sounding bitter or annoyed... or even relaxed and carefree.

So I just decided to write anyway and pray that whoever reads this will be more blessed as you enter the mind and heart of this widow and I pray this would bring an understanding of where I stand, my struggles and my victories.

As of recent, I have had a few conversations with people about widows getting married again. The thought itself is just a weird one and super weird even talking about it YET though sad, it is a subject almost EVERYONE wants to know. I remember the thoughts I had when I would hear or see of a widow getting married again. I just couldn’t understand it. I never thought "bad or good" just "weird".

Some would say, “it hasn’t been long enough.” Some would say , “it’s been TOO long.” (you can NEVER put a time frame on God when you're a believer) Some don’t really care what others are doing (which I wish we were all like this) Some, who haven’t been in our situation could THINK they know what they would do or what they wouldn’t do, BUT reality is , that EVERY SINGLE PERSONS JOURNEY OF GRIEF AND OF LIFE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN ANOTHER. AND YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD DO IN A SITUATION UNTIL YOU ARE ACTUALLY IN IT.

Trust me, I used to say a lot of things and have learned (and continue to learn) to keep my mouth quiet because I seem to always eat my words! Haha No one's life looks exactly the same and if you are a believer you walk in God's will not your own. I have heard some widows say, “ I will NEVER get remarried and others who so graciously say, “Yes, of course I want to be married again, I know what it’s like to be married and I want that again.”

Neither one is wrong IF it’s from the Lord, it’s a matter of what God wants in each individual's life that should be looked at. Look at Ruth or Anna in the Bible, both widows, their future lives completely different yet both from the Lord. I have this funny little thing I think, some people have said, “I hope Andrea gets married again.” And I laugh because I know if I did those same people would also say, “gosh I CAN’T believe she got married again!” hahaha Maybe not, but isn’t that our human nature? Really!

Maybe I’m the only one that thinks like that, maybe I’m a weirdo. Honestly, I’ll wear my heart on my sleeve. Truth is, I desperately miss Brent. With everything in me, I love him. It has been almost 3 years and I feel the same as the day he left us, although there have been many blessings and victories. I know what Brent would tell me, I know where Brent's family and my family stand and how they all want God's will for my boys and I. But I have to admit when you look at a widow or widower I can say it takes bravery and forcing oneself to take one step in front of the other and allowing God to do what HE wants to do in one's life.

I think of Joshua, before every battle God had to remind him that God was with him and to be brave and courageous. Either way, whether that person gets married again or not, both takes bravery and courage and lots and lots of FAITH.

You wanna know the truth? There are days I can’t even literally imagine the thought of being married again. How do you love again? How do you let someone else love your children? It trips me out to even think about having another life because it’s so overwhelming. BUT as a child of God I can honestly say, although difficult sometimes, that YES, I want whatever God has for me whatever that means, to get married again or not to. It’s not like it is easy, but it’s a choice to let God break down certain walls in my heart and my prayer has been that I would not put my hand out at God's will and blessings for our life Because it seems easier to just raise my boys and then die! (lol I am being super dramatic)

But really, I was 28 years old when my Brent went home, it’s not my fault nor is it any other widows. AND let me say this just to clarify IT IS NEVER EVER, EVER REPLACING!!!!!!!!!! How can people think you’re replacing that person?? It’s just ridiculous and I’m not even gonna talk about that because it makes me SO mad. You don’t tell a Mother who lost her son to replace that son. It’s the same thing, it’s just a DIFFERENT relationship.

I spoke to one girl whose friend was a widow and got remarried. That widow had posted a picture of herself at her husband's gravesite and said something on the lines that she will always love and miss him WHILE being married to her new husband. My friend just thought that was not ok and weird……………………………………. NOT at all!

How can you ever forget that love and that person and that life you’ve had and just move on to never acknowledge?? You don’t, but society CAN be, not always and not everyone, but some can be so hard and put lots of pressure on widows. It seems easier at times to just keep living in a widows position. I have become comfortable in my new identity, looking forward to heaven. BUT God is also softening my heart to accept His will for my life. You know, I used to think how can you love the same, but God showed me by looking at Jaiden and Micah that I love them the exactly the same just in different ways.

God has made our hearts so big to love more and has created us to be relational beings and so it’s a good thing when a widow gets married again. And though it is different I have seen love in widow's lives just the same but in different relationship. Look at the story of Ruth, so much redemption, but that doesn’t mean it’s for EVERYONE.

So I say all that to answer so many people's simple question, “will Andrea get married again?” hahaha The answer is simple, “IF THAT’S WHAT GOD HAS IN STORE I CAN’T STOP HIM, JUST LIKE I COULDN’T STOP HIM FROM TAKING BRENT.” My life is not my own. I am completely content where God has me and like my widow friend said, if I am called to be like the prophetess Anna who prayed in the temple day and night then I embrace it because it is God's very best for my boys and for me. (although I probably would never pray as much as Anna did though the thought is nice )

True satisfaction comes from Him. BUT if God brings a man to love on this earth and continue what Brent started in raising the boys then I embrace that because that is God's best. And it’s all in HIS timing and on His terms. A friend reminded me of a conversation Brent and I had at In and Out one day before he even got sick. He said, “if anything happened to you I would HAVE to get married again, and I would hope you would too.” I told him I didn’t care if he got married again, she just couldn’t be prettier or nicer than me!! Bahahahahaha

I hope that gives some people an inside perspective of not just where I am, but for all widows. It’s hard to face the public and friends and family BUT it is what it is and unless you walk in one's shoes it’s better just to sit back and pray. I have so many verses I want to share, so I will write them below.

SINGLE PARENTING

Ok, for the record, JUST because your husband works all the time and you do everything does NOT mean it's the same as being a single parent! I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that, well I do everything it’s LIKE I’m a single parent. Well here's the thing, your husband still comes home so you’re actually not! Lol I used to do everything. Brent was gone all the time so I had to do everything. And let me just say it’s not the same. It is 100 percent harder.

There is no emotional support, or physical help or just a ,”hey babe how was your day.” Nope, nothing. I’m not at all saying this for anyone to feel sorry for single parents. I just want to explain certain positions.

This past Sunday Micah threw the biggest fit EVER spitting at me, hitting my face etc. at church. SO I started walking away from him very fast because I thought I could literally put him up for adoption that very moment. We went into church and sat down BOTH of us crying! Everyone was raising their hands worshipping and there we were, crying, frustrated and angry. There were 3 ushers just literally looking at me. No idea what just happened, no idea at that moment I missed Brent and just wanted him to take Micah from me etc. It was at that moment I had to pray extra hard for extra grace, extra love and extra patience.

Sometimes it’s all overwhelming. This new life, being a single parent alone and desiring so much to please God in it all. “His grace is sufficient. When we are weak that is when we are strong.” He has been my constant rock and a father to the fatherless and I am thankful. Not much else to say regarding that other than pray for my boys and for my patience. We have been extremely blessed with TWO amazing families, mine and Brent's. Then we’ve been blessed with our CHURCH family.

I feel extra fortunate and in my situation I don’t have it half as bad as a lot of other single parents, so I say this, when you see a single mother or single father, that there would be words of encouragement, understanding and MUCH MUCH prayer.

“THOSE WHO SOW IN TEARS SHALL REAP IN JOY. HE WHO CONTNUALLY GOES FORTH WEEPING, BEARING SEED FOR SOWING, SHALL DOUBTLESS COME AGAIN WITH REJOICING, BRINGING HIS SHEAVES WITH HIM.” –PSALM 126:5-6

Andrea Yim

Upcoming Events

Andrea will be speaking:

  • February 3rd-5th: Calvary Chapel South Bay Women's Retreat
  • March 31st -April 1st: Calvary Chapel High Country Women's Retreat

From Facebook

When Brent first went to be with Jesus, I didn't think I could even survive my next breath. His mom would often tell me,...

Posted by Andrea Yim on Friday, April 1, 2016